Someone like her
by The aspiring Firefly
Summary: In which Madoka thinks about her wishes. Pre-canon, Madoka/Mami.


_Tiro Finale!_

After making a final powerful shoot at its target, the humongous pistol that Mami had summoned out of thin air disappeared, not leaving behind even the slightest hint of yet another deformed and strange Witch. When the explosion from that last attack had cleared the area and the air and atmosphere were clean again, a tiny black gem fell in mid-air, and Mami raised her arm and easily caught it by opening her hand.

She looked up to check on her surroundings, and the twisted maze she had been running around on slowly began to reconstruct itself back into the local park that was near the middle school. The lone playground she found herself in was just a little dusty, and there were no hurt or involved bystanders at sight.

Once again, it had been a job well done.

"That wasn't bad at all..." Mami said with a gentle, yet confident voice. Her Magical Girl outfit had dissolved, and with a quick yellow spark, she was now wearing her usual school uniform. She pressed lightly the collected Grief Seed and turned around, facing someone who had just arrived from behind. "Wouldn't you think so, Kaname-san?"

Madoka, who had busied herself dealing with the Witch's minions and trying attacking from a distance to help Mami out, had finally caught up to Mami and let her head hang down after almost half an hour of keeping her senses as awake as possible for the maze. She was panting quite a lot- she wasn't really used to fighting witches yet, so even though her attacks were fairly powerful, her energy was drained in worrying amounts with each fight; it was only natural, since her contract was made no more than a week ago.

Her pink dress had gone the same way Mami's outfit had, and the rose-bow had already disappeared into nothingness by the time she looked up to her.

"Y-Yeah, you were as cool as ever, Mami-san!" Madoka answered cheerfully; yet one could hear the obvious crack of exhaustion in her tone, which didn't make Mami too happy.

"Thank you, but…Kaname-san, are you okay? This fight was rather hard on you, wasn't it?" She softly asked.

"No, I'm fine…I just… need to catch my breath. I was pretty reckless with my aim today, so I'm a little worn out… but I promise I'll do better next time!" Madoka assured, trying her best to show a smile, yet only managing to worry her mentor a lot more by letting her see a tired grin.

Mami gave her a concerned look, as she walked up to her. "It's not about you doing better or worse; it's about your energy and your health not being affected by the witches…" as she spoke, she took Madoka's hand, placed the collected Grief Seed in there, and closed it gently. "Here, my Soul Gem's still rather clean. I want you to use this one for yours, alright?"

"But…I also took the last one we won!" Madoka protested, taking Mami's hand back in hers and placing the Seed in there, "Your Gem could get damaged if we keep this up, even if it isn't so dirty!"

Before explaining why it didn't really matter as much, Mami couldn't help but to chuckle a little. She wasn't completely used to Madoka's constant concern, and somehow, instead of feeling like it was strange or off after so much time of not dealing with other people, she found it entirely endearing.

"No, don't worry; Kyuubey told me the following: The Grief Seeds have the capacity to completely clean up a Soul Gem just as long as it isn't looking black. I'll be okay if I just take the Seed from the next witch we find, so this is fine."

Madoka looked down, seeming rather unconvinced.

"But…"

"No buts, Kaname-san. You're not used to this and I want you to be okay." Mami said, smiling warmly, and returning the Grief Seed to Madoka's hands one last time. "So please, just take it and make sure you get plenty rest for the next time we're approached by a witch, okay?"

Even though Madoka didn't agree completely to this, she considered Mami's advice and let out a defeated sigh.

"…Okay, if you say so…"

With that, Madoka took out her Soul Gem. The jewel was starting to show a hint of a gray color over the bright pink, and when she lightly pressed the Grief Seed against it, it shone in a perfect, clean shade. The Grief Seed shortly disappeared after fulfilling its task, and Mami chuckled in satisfaction at this sight.

"Alright. And now that we're finally done, shall we head home?" She said, and a slightly unsure Madoka could only nod.

As Mami started walking away, Madoka wondered how she did it.

Did what, exactly…?

Everything, really.

How could Mami manage to be so firm, yet so gentle? So graceful, yet strong? So confident, yet so careful…?

Noticing the fact that she wasn't feeling anyone walking by her side, Mami turned around to find that Madoka hadn't moved from her spot. There was a look of blind wonder in the younger girl's eyes- one that seemed dreamy and light, and Mami couldn't help but to only tilt her head and release a tiny smile at her junior's antics.

"Is something the matter, Kaname-san?" She asked, and as soon as her clear voice had broken the short silence, Madoka realized that she really hadn't said or done anything since Mami had told her to take the Grief Seed. Madoka only looked down and rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly.

"Sorry I spaced out like that…" She timidly said, already feeling her cheeks warm for her next statement. She made sure to look at a side before speaking again,"…I was just thinking a little about you, Mami-san…"

Taken back by this saying, Mami's eyes widened a little. "About me?"

Madoka nodded, offering a shy smile.

"Y-Yeah. This thought hit me just now…" She explained, trying her best to avoid a direct look at Mami's golden eyes. "If I had met you sooner, I'm sure my wish- my reason for becoming a Puella Magi… it would've been pretty different, you know?"

Once again, taken back, Mami could only repeat Madoka's words, as if making sure she was hearing correctly; she approached her once again. "Your wish would've been different? How so?" She asked, and without really meaning to, her tone had turned somewhat different with her next question; "…Do you regret what you wished for?"

The way these words had left her mouth had been as soft as ever, but they held a much more melancholic ring to them; yet at the same time, a tiny hint of hopefulness sparked up in there. It was difficult to pick up, but it was as if she really wanted to hear something specific from Madoka.

Admittedly, Mami had only added that last question because it applied so much to herself.

The thing was; she was happy to be a Puella Magi because it had brought her so much inner and outer strength, because it had taught her many things about the way the world really worked, because it saved the innocent from harm, because it allowed her to put up with and perfect the charade of being a balanced role-model-girl, and most of all, because it had kept her alive for so long, but…

The loneliness and grief that the strength and experience had brought along had been too much to bear. So she felt that if Madoka felt this way, too…

…Maybe she could finally have someone to rely on, and someone to connect with.

But to her surprise, Madoka only smiled awkwardly as she shook her head.

"No, don't get me wrong… I couldn't really ever regret my wish because someone like me got the chance to save a life," She said, looking up to the afternoon sky in thoughtfulness, "But I'm thinking that if I met you before the day I made my contract, I would've probably asked for something entirely different from Kyuubey."

Mami couldn't hide her slight disappointment at the answer; a little sigh escaped her mouth, and she had turned her look slightly away from her junior. Madoka could only tilt her head in confusion at her expressions. Nevertheless, the blonde continued the chat.

"And what would've you asked for, Kaname-san?"

The tone Mami had used for this question had been one that sounded foreign and off on her; quiet, cracked and low. By hearing this, Madoka's thoughts stumbled upon each other even more so than usual, and her feet had suddenly become the most interesting sight around. But even so, because she tried her very best to not seem as awkward or as off to her mentor, she kept on answering, as much as she felt that her responses would be weird and probably uncomfortable for Mami.

"I… would've wished to be someone like you, Mami-san." Madoka said, trying to make her words come out as strongly as she meant them, "Because from any way I look at it, you're just too amazing a person…"

With that response, Mami couldn't help but to simply turn her back completely on Madoka.

"You'd find it funny that being like me isn't that hard or amazing." She said, her voice still quiet and low, "Because it's all about holding everything in…"

Madoka found herself rather surprised at this reaction. She could only stare at Mami's back in an expression that mixed concern and awe as one, as her words had simply left her. She remained quiet for a few moments, hoping that the chat wasn't being harsh on Mami.

"So…are you saying that you've felt lonely the whole time, Mami-san?" Madoka finally dared to ask.

Mami pondered over the question, and glanced at Madoka with a really tiny smile, allowing her to see her expression for the first time. There was this certain glow on her eyes; the one that usually appears on one's eyes before or after they cry, and the sight made Madoka feel this uncomfortable knot on her stomach.

"Yes, you could say so…" Mami answered; but as soon as Madoka had already bowed her head in helplessness, she added; "That is, until you came along, Kaname-san."

The second Mami had added this, Madoka raised her head again, not noticing how her eyes had widened in surprise.

"Eh?"

Mami smiled, as she turned completely to face Madoka.

"You see, being a Puella Magi…. From my point of view, it's suffering. Because you only fight, fight and fight to survive, and the only thing you get in exchange is to keep yourself alive. The things that would've happened if you hadn't done your work get some sort of explanation to go, so nobody notices, nobody thanks you for it, and no one is there to hold you or help you once you get hurt in battle…" Mami explained, "Which…is not so bad because you can have a clear conscience, and you know you're doing good, but…" Her words had begun to leave her, but surprisingly enough, Madoka had approached her, taken her hands, and continued for her.

"But it gets too hard to handle, right…?" She tried, and when Mami nodded, Madoka smiled, and tightened the hold on her fingers just a little more. "I don't think it's fair for anyone to go unnoticed like that after doing so much for others, so let me thank you for it in behalf of anyone that didn't, Mami-san!"

Mami's eyes widened. The glow on her eyes had just returned.

"Thank me…?" She mumbled. Madoka nodded.

"Of course! And also, let me apologize for what I said earlier, about my wish..." She said, earning a head-tilt from Mami. "I was pretty reckless with what I've said earlier, wasn't I?"

Mami managed a smile, as she shook her head.

"No, not at all... I did push you into answering me, either way."

Softening her expression, and never letting go of her hold, Madoka brought their hands up with a big smile.

"Well, all that matters is that right now, you're not alone, Mami-san! As long as I'm here, you can count on it!"

With this, the glow on Mami's eyes had finally given in, and gotten out in the form of little tears that barely got out of the corners of her eyes. But instead of feeling like those cold, frustrating and lonely tears she was so used to, these felt warm. Her cheeks, her eyes and her chest- her whole being felt somehow warm, as if some kind of relief was overflowing on her feelings, instead of that usual weight of guilt and lies that seemed to follow her around everywhere.

For the first time, Mami had returned the squeeze to Madoka's hands, and allowed the most sincere of her smiles to go out.

"I know…Thank you, Kaname-san…" She managed, regaining that gentle tone of hers.

Only this time, it held this feeling that simply made one understand how safe and fearless she felt now.

And being like this, Mami realized that maybe she could've changed her wish as well, if that car accident hadn't happened…

Perhaps, if she had the luck to meet Madoka before Kyuubey…

Being able to be the same age as Madoka would've been lovely.

Not that being her senior wasn't the most gratifying thing, but if she had been just a year younger, she would've had the chance to befriend Madoka a little sooner and talk to her, Sayaka Miki and Hitomi Shizuki. Even if they didn't become close, just being able to be in a class where at least one person would always be there to lend a hand, or work with you, or…

Yes, that would've been nice.


End file.
